Shrek and The Kool-Aid Man
by Starpatchy
Summary: After a day full of fans and autographs, Shrek decides to visit his favorite coffee shop, Starbucks. But when the he finds out Starbucks is closed, he is furious. He decides to go to a play place and discovers that his arch enemy has been hiding away. Can Shrek discover his evil plans? Can he stop them? Will he survive? **Follow Shrek in this daring tale of heroism**
1. Starbucks is Closed

**For Emma.**

 _This is the story of a hero. A hero you may have heard of. His name is Shrek._

 _Starbucks is Closed_

Shrek flew high in the sky, his body drifting through the clouds. The land underneath him was mostly fields of dirt and corn. The clouds were puffy and white, and the sun was sparkling. It was a warm afternoon, and as Shrek flew through the sky he desperately wanted to swim in something cool.

As he flew further, he came over a city. Tall skyscrapers reached up and touched the sky, and Shrek had to fly around a few. He decided to drift down towards the streets, flashing with lights. He slowly descended between the buildings, looking down at the people walking on the sidewalk.

Shrek wondered if there was a Starbucks around here suddenly. He loved Starbucks. It was his favorite coffee shop around. He wanted an iced coffee, so he slowly landed on the sidewalk. He received curious glances, but people at once rushed over to take a look.

Shrek smiled as people asked for his autograph and asked if he was real.

"Yes. I am the real Shrek." He said when one woman asked.

He signed autographs left and right, often signing on pictures, notebooks and even checks. Everyone seemed to want Shrek's autograph. He still wanted Starbucks, so he smiled and waved his hand.

"I'm sorry everyone. I must go. I have things to do." Shrek said, pretending to act sad.

"No! Don't leave Shrek!" A little boy in the crowd shouted. Many others shouted their protests.

Shrek groaned. "I have to go. I'm sorry." Then he began to float up.

People rushed forward and tried to grab his feet. Luckily, he made it out in time and soared into the sky, looking down on his fans. He searched the streets for a Starbucks and when he saw one he gasped. The little building had a sign out front, and it seemed so majestic in the middle of the city. Shrek smiled and began to descend towards the shop. He hovered above the sidewalk first, checking for fans. Then he drifted down and began to walk towards the glass door.

The inside of the shop had an orange floor and neon green walls. A strange shop, no doubt, but Shrek didn't care. He reached out and grabbed the cold metal handle and pulled gently on the door. It didn't open. Shrek frowned.

It was locked.

Shrek cursed under his breath and glanced at the sign on the door. It said the hours. Shrek scratched his chin. What day was it? Then he remembered. He looked at the hours for Friday and it said 10am-2pm. He checked his wrist. 2:20.

"WHAT?!" Shrek shouted angrily. "I JUST MISSED IT!"

He could feel strength come to his hands and he grabbed the handle of the door, pulling as hard as he could. The door popped off with a metallic clank.

Shrek stormed into Starbucks, glancing around. He snorted and lumbered over to the counter. He climbed over easily and began to search. He looked everywhere, but he could not find any coffee. He checked the backroom, and all the cupboards, but still nothing. He felt furious.

Shrek smashed his fists against the counter, leaving a fist shaped mark on the neon green top. He moved around the counter and grabbed the chairs, throwing them one by one across the room. When he felt he had destroyed the room enough, he moved out onto the sidewalk, feeling satisfied.

He looked around and didn't expect to see a huge building with a poster that read: GET COOLED OFF HERE! It had a arrow pointing to a doorway. Shrek smiled and raised into the air, his legs just barely over the ground. He drifted to the door as fast as he could and landed. A man stood at the entrance.

His eyes widened. "Shrek?" He asked.

"Yes. I am Shrek." Shrek replied.

"Are you the real Shrek?" The man asked excitedly.

"Yes." Shrek nodded.

The man grinned. "Can I have your autograph?"

Shrek smiled and pulled out his pen. "Of course."

The man pulled a picture of Shrek from his bag and held it out. Shrek signed the picture and then moved into the building. He was greeted by a huge indoor play place. There was a ball pit right by the door and a huge bouncy castle behind it. The rug was navy blue and the walls were red. A huge inflatable slide was also behind the ball pit. Shrek saw an arcade and a food court, and more bounce houses.

He smiled and walked toward the food court, wanting to get something to eat. The floor was navy blue and white and tiled. The counter was red. Shrek placed his hands on the counter. The worker gave him a fake smile.

"Do you have any coffee?" Shrek asked.

The worker turned to look at the menu. "Yes. We do. We have iced and decaf."

Shrek sighed in relief and handed the workers 5 dollars. "Give me as many as this will pay for. Iced."

The worker nodded and took the money behind the counter, returning a moment later with 3 coffees. Shrek took them gratefully and drank all 3 in a few sips. He sighed.

"Thanks." He then turned and looked around the place. That's when he saw him.


	2. We Meet Again

_We Meet Again_

Shrek couldn't believe his eyes. There he was. Just standing there, the red liquid in his body swishing around inside of him. Shrek growled. He was supposed to be dead. How did he come back?

Then the Kool-Aid Man realized Shrek. He turned and his face turned into one of fury. Shrek knew the fight was on. He clenched his fists. The Kool-Aid Man shoved people out of the way until he was face-to-face with Shrek.

"Shrek." He said flatly.

"Kam." Shrek responded.

Kam was the nickname for The Kool-Aid Man to make his name shorter.

Shrek snarled. "You're supposed to be dead."

"But I'm not." Kam narrowed his eyes.

"You will be when I'm done with you." Shrek snapped.

"Sorry, I don't take threats from girls very seriously." Kam gave Shrek a fake smile.

Shrek bared his teeth. He swung his arm up and his fist connected with Kam's face. He gasped in surprise. Shrek punched him again, but this time he was ready. He blocked Shrek's blow and grabbed his arm. Shrek swung his leg up and kicked Kam in the stomach. Kam didn't release his grip and he lifted Shrek off his feet, swinging him into the Kool-Aid inside of him.

Shrek paddled furiously. He gasped for air as he reached the surface. Kam laughed cruelly. Shrek snarled.

"Have fun in the Kool-Aid, Shrek." He laughed.

Shrek was furious. He had to find a way to kill Kam once and for all. He dove underwater and opened his eyes. They stung horribly, but he pressed on. He reached the bottom, feeling around for a plug. Nothing. He knocked on the glass and Kam jiggled. Shrek came back up and breathed. Kam was ticklish!

 _Maybe I can knock him over by tickling him. Then I can get out and kill him._ Shrek thought.

He dove again and tapped furiously on Kam's side. Kam moved around trying to get Shrek to stop. Shrek could hear children screaming as Kam nearly ran them over. He grinned. He continued to tap and then suddenly Kam tipped over.

Shrek was washed out, the red liquid bubbling around him as it spilled out from inside Kam. Shrek fell on the carpet and coughed out some Kool-Aid. He laughed triumphantly as he turned and saw Kam laying on his side.

He was dying slowly. He groaned. "Shrek, old pal, please help." He rasped.

Shrek crinkled his nose in disgust. "Never. You don't deserve to live."

Kam coughed. "Please..." He coughed again.

His breathing became heavy and he would cough frequently. Kam saw the children crowded around and snarled.

"Go away you little brats!" He hissed.

Shrek kicked him. "Shut up."

Kam coughed. "I hate those little kids. They're useless little urchins."

A few young children began to cry and their parents rushed forwards, sending disapproving glances towards Kam. Kam just snorted.

Shrek had had just about enough. He stood over Kam and cleared his throat. Kam looked up and coughed.

"This is The Kool-Aid Man. You all love him and cherish him and he seems to be a good guy, but he's not." Shrek began, pacing around Kam. "He's dark and evil and he doesn't like any of you. He tried to kill me, and he's tried to kill many others." Many gasps came from the crowd. "He's evil, and we must let him die today, before he causes harm to others."

There was a silence and Shrek glanced down at Kam. He gave him a pleading look.

Shrek shook his head. "Your life will not be spared."

Then Shrek raised his fist into the air, and gasps of horror came from the crowd. With a sudden burst of strength, Shrek slammed his fists against Kam's side. Kam's side shattered.

Later that day, Kam's pieces were buried. Now he couldn't kill anymore people. They were all safe from a horrible force. All that was left to do was destroy all Kool-Aid products.

Shrek stood near Kam's grave. It was finally over. Kam was dead. He lived a good life at first, but he turned evil and was killed. Shrek smiled sadly.

He floated slowly into the air, disappearing into the clouds.

 _Now the planet was safe from an evil force, one that could have destroyed humanity. We only have one person to thank for that, and his name is Shrek. Every night, everywhere, to honor Shrek, and his courage, people pray to him. He lives high in the clouds, and hasn't come to Earth since he saved us from Kam. No one knows if he'll come back, but every night, people pray he will come back. They pray he will be a defender forever, and many people believe that Shrek is just waiting until we need him, then he will save us. Many people worship Shrek, and every night they pray in a prayer that goes like this: "Shrek, please love us and help us through our everyday lives. Please make sure we are safe and healthy, and please watch over us. Make sure we're all happy. Thank you, Shrek."_

 _Then they say the final line of their prayer, the most important line. One that will change the world forever: Shrek is love, Shrek is life._

 _The End_


End file.
